Self care is a hot topic right now, we all know that it’s important to look after our emotional health as well as our physical health. However, I’d like to argue that self care isn’t just about going on a spa day or a retreat like most of us would believe. More often than not, self care that involves self-preservation can make us feel uncomfortable and uneasy.
Sometimes, self care can manifest itself as removing the negative influences in our lives, which may involve deleting friends from your social media feeds because they’re having a stressful impact on your life. Breaking close family connections or removing yourself from a circle of friends can perhaps be one of the hardest and unsettling things you will ever do. Saying ‘no’ can also feel challenging and not as straight forward as it sounds, especially if you’re trying to impress the boss at work. Self-preservation isn’t a selfish act, in fact removing the things from our lives that bring us stress opens up more space for things that enrich our lives and bring us joy. These situations can be awkward, even though it’s nothing personal, however, they are needed to enable us to flourish and seek happiness.
Scenarios, where you may have to disappoint in order to bring more abundance and contentment into your world, can stir a lot of uneasy emotions. They can leave us stagnant in a pool of misery because we are too scared to make that break to benefit ourselves out of fear of hurting others. Nevertheless, there are certain themes that can blow up your mindset when self care feels uncomfortable.
Define What Self Care Means to You
Self care is a deeply personal thing that means something different to everyone. Sit down and write a list of what self care means to you and what feels fabulous. I’m pretty sure that settings that make you feel miserable, overwhelmed and anxious won’t make the cut! Keep this list and go back to it when your self care feels uneasy as a reminder of what makes you feel good and why you need to remove these negative influences from your life.
Remember That You’re Deserving & Worthy
Most of the time, we carry on through life trying to serve others the best that we can without a second thought of our own needs. However, despite everything you are also deserving of the happiness and ease that you help create in other people’s lives. As hard as it may be, try to keep the fact that you are worthy of happiness when you have to practice a challenging form of self care in the front of your mind to help block out any guilt.
Always See The Silver Lining
I know it sounds cheesy, but every grey cloud does have a silver lining. Whatever negativity you have to remove from your life that feels uneasy, focusing on the positive effects that this act is going to have on your life will help see you through.
Give Yourself The Permission to Feel Good
When you give your all to others, you deplete anything that you may have left for yourself. It’s impossible to pour from an empty cup and if certain situations are causing you to feel stressed it’s important that you give yourself the permission to feel good again. Refill your cup by taking away these factors that are causing you stress or anxiety to bring more happiness and ease. When you give yourself this permission you then make your own happiness a priority and begin to make those fearful steps with more courage and conviction.
You’re Only Given One Shot
OK, so this is perhaps a bit morbid, but it’s a massive truth bomb! You’re only given one shot at this life so you might as well make it the happiest that you can possibly be. If it doesn’t make you happy then without a doubt it doesn’t belong in your life!
We don’t focus on ourselves nearly enough as we focus on the other people in lives. Making yourself number one should be high on your list and it’s not about being selfish or thinking that you’re anything special, it’s a basic human right. Of course, self care can feel beautiful and relaxing, but it can also feel bitter and distressing too. In these times, it’s essential to focus on why you’re doing it and the space for positivity that you’re creating in your life.
On occasions, self care means experiencing the bad to be rewarded with the good, but once you come out the other side you will quickly come to realise how worthwhile it all was.
This is the sort of thing my wife needs to read… She’s been really down and not looking after herself mentally for a while now, no matter how much I try to help
Oh no, I really hope that your wif is OK.
Thanks for sharing this post Jemma – I’ve been going through some rough times recently, and looking after myself has been quite low down on my list. But slowly and surely I am getting back on my feet and learning how to like myself again x
Hi, Becca. I’m really happy that this post acted as a reminder that you need to look after yourself. I hope everything is OK.
This can be difficult. I always try to see the good and think every cloud does have a silver lining
It really does!
I know a lot of people who would benefit so much from reading this – me included so thank you! x
Thank you, Elodie.
A great post, I’m rubbish at self care so will keep this post to remind me I deserve it.
Really happy that this was a great reminder for you.
I love this post – self care can be so hard for many reasons be it your busy or you just don’t have the want to for whatever reason.
Thank you, Sarah.
Such important tips Jemma, seeing the silver lining resonated with me more. It can be tough but it’s worth purging those that bring stress to ones life
Exactly! It’s a tough one to accept, but if the situation arises it can be so worthwhile.
I’ve just come across your blog by going onto Instagram and looking at who Jess Anym follows …. This is the weird trail of a rabbit hole you find on the internet sometimes.
ANYWAY
I love this post. Recently for my own self care I have had to delete quite a few people from my social media accounts because their presence was a negetive impact on my life. I have had to mute a friend because she is on slimming world and while she is really happy to be losi weight I only took myself out of the diet culture trap earlier this year and on days when I am fragile I just can’t beat to see weight and numbers and calories etc.
Ha! I love the internet for that. Thank you for dropping by.
It’s hard to remove negative influences in your life, but so worthwhile. Glad to hear that you’re making more space for positive vibes.
I think giving myself permission to feel good has been the hardest part of embracing self-care. I’ve always been good at getting rid of toxic people in my life, but allowing myself the time to enjoy something has been more difficult.
I agree, giving yourself permission is the first, but the hardest step.
Sometimes I feel guilty about focusing too much on myself but then I have to tell myself that I’ll get ill otherwise x
We all feel the guilt, but it’s really important to look after yourself.
You are right. Sometimes I do not give myself the permission to ‘feel good’ and it does have an impact on my mental health. But I have to realize that ‘self-care’ is not selfish x
Definitely, a mindset shift needs to be made around self care, it’s not selfish, but selfless.
All good advice, I think recognising and taking care of your own well-being has a hugely positive affect on those around you too.
Absolutely! Thank you, Emily.
I love this, self care can be tough for some people, but it’s something everyone should really do x
It’s such an important part of feeling good.
Remembering that you are deserving and worthy is a key point – great post with some well made points 🙂 x
Thanks so much, Emily.
Good point – self care can be quite hard sometimes if you have issues under the surface that want to come out! Great take on it, I agree totally x
Thank you! It’s not all about rainbows and pampering, self care can be hard work and challenging.
Some very good points made here, remembering you and deserving is so important
So true. Thank you, Melissa.
It is all too easy to take care of everyone else’s needs and leave yours to the last. This always ends up with me feeling down, stressed and exhausted. There is nothing wrong with taking some self care and putting yourself first.
When you feel great, it is easier to help and cope with everyone else
My point exactly! You need to look after yourself to look after others.
My mummy needs to focus more on the positives in her life as she’s feeling really down at the moment. Some great tips here x
I hope that you’re mummy is OK. x
I love this!! I definitely don’t give myself the amount of self care I should and sometimes I just don’t allow it so this is a good post to keep coming back to to get me out of that mind set!!
Yay! Great to hear that you found it helpful.
I truly agree that self care needs to be defined by the person, as self care should be whatever you deem it to be. It is something I believe in truly, and for me sometimes self care can come in the form of 30 minutes alone in the bath. I know to some it may seem frivolous and not truly self caring, but if you couple that with mindfulness and truly feel the water on your skin, truly smell the scents of your products, and truly enjoy the experience completely in the moment then a simple bath can transform into something else entirely. x
I’m really getting into being in the moment more as a part of self care, experiencing everything down to the noise and scents around us. Too easily we forget to live in the present and take things slow.
I felt a bit like this yesterday and wanted to make myself feel better, but wasn’t sure how so I had an early night instead. Lovely post x