Do you find that you speak a different way in certain social settings? Have you ever turned down an invite somewhere because you’re not good enough? How about changing your perfectly acceptable outfit because you thought it wasn’t good enough for that party, even though it’s your favourite? Sounds like you? It sounds like me too.
I’ve already touched on this topic with my email subscribers but wanted to discuss it in more detail on the blog too. I’ll hold my hands up and say that I’m guilty as charged for this, many times over. I’ve conformed or changed who I really am because I thought that I wasn’t good enough. Over the past few years, my confidence has grown and I’m definitely more self-assured – not in an arrogant way, I just learned that my voice also counts. Quite frankly the feeling of no longer holding back and unleashing my authentic self has been freakin’ amazing!
Even though my blog is an honest place, where I express my personal journey and opinions, I will be the first to admit that there are times when I’ve hit the delete button because I was scared that the real way that I wanted may offend. Then I had an epiphany: if I want my blog to be wholeheartedly honest and a true reflection of myself I have to put all my cards on the table – it would be unnatural to be any other way and I hope this comes across in my blog posts.
Being authentic is really important to me and there may have been times where I have subconsciously been influenced by others when perhaps it wasn’t really for me. But, I’ve taken action and worked hard to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin for my health and wellbeing, and for my sanity!
Embracing who you really are, including the imperfections because let’s be real, perfectionism doesn’t exist, is one awesome dose of self-love. Getting to the point of feeling comfortable and giving yourself the permission to be authentically you takes work, but here are my top tips to help you on your way.
Realise that you are enough
This is probably my number one tip, once you realise that you are worthy and perfectly fine warts and all, you will feel confident and comfortable in your own skin. Don’t be scared of who you are, own it!
Do what you love
Life is too short to live in denial and being stuck doing something that you absolutely hate. Whether its work, a hobby, a certain way of life that you just don’t feel is right for you, it’s definitely time to take that leap and make time for the things that makes your heart skip a beat. Things may be hard at first as change can be a scary, but once things settle down you will be glad that you opened up the opportunity to allow yourself to be happy and live the life you really want.
Remember that your life roles do not define you
Take some time out for yourself
Sometimes we need to take a step back and reassess what we really want from life. Take some time out for yourself and think about what you want to achieve and set out some goals to get there. Our life goals are usually a true reflection of who we want to be, so having a think and setting some goals is a great way to unlock the real you and live fearlessly.
Fall in love with your imperfections
We’re all guilty of it, we all have something about ourselves that we would love to change because we think it would make us feel better about ourselves. Why not make peace with your body and fall in love with your imperfections? No one is perfect, sorry to break it to you but it doesn’t exist. Rather than trying to chase perfection, accept yourself unconditionally, your flaws make you beautifully unique and shouldn’t be seen as the enemy. These ‘imperfections’ only matter because you make it that way, self-acceptance is an important step in beginning to unlock the real you.
Learn to let go
Holding on to other people’s expectations of you or comparing yourself to someone else can be damaging to your wellbeing. Simply let go of these feelings and channel your energy positively in being the best version of yourself.
Have a social cleanse
Something that I’m pretty big on at the moment is having a social cleanse. Social media can be an evil monster for influencing and comparisons. Have a clean up and delete those accounts that cause you to feel bad about yourself or compare yourself to, which should free your mind and will allow you to be your authentic self.
What a super read! You know, today I hand in my notice at my part-time day job because I hate it. Blogging will now be my full time job and I can’t wait!
Yay! How exciting for you. Wishing you all the success with it.
I live for social cleanses but these are some good tips and advice to help people. I’m sure I can even take from these. Thanks x
I need to do a social cleanse this week. They’re so great!
Im definitely like this I sometimes come up with ideas for blog posts and then don’t publish them as I worry what people wil think.
These are definitely great tips to help people.
I’ve been there too, but now I just publish what I want to.
All of this. Love this post. I have sometimes worried am I too honest, do I share to much but my blog would be nothing without it. I could do with a little social cleanse though.
Really good advice – I especially agree that life roles do not define you. I get cross when people see me as a mother and that’s all.
Thanks so much, Samantha!
What a great post, I think people do define you for who they think you are and forget you are not just a Mum for example.
Absolutely, our roles never define who we are, it’s just what we do!
It’s taken me a long time to accept who I am too. but now that I have, i wouldn’t change me. I’m offensive, I’m evil but a nice kind of evil. I’m opinionated. I’m caring. I’ll fight to the bitter end for my family and besties.
Love this! Great to hear that you’re not afraid to show the real you.
Loved this post – one of the nicest things I’ve found about being in my thirties is realising that my voice, my opinion, my take and my ideas count. Thanks for sharing!
Getting older really does wonders for your confidence and being comfortable in your own skin.
this is a great post. I’ve often done the same thing and not published something as you worry about what people might say – great tips to help overcome this
Thanks, glad you’ve found it useful. 🙂
This is such a good read. I needed this right now! Recently, I’ve felt I wasn’t good enough in so many different aspects (photography, writing, efficiency. You name it, I thought it), but you know what, you can only be as good as you can be (do I even make sense?) and it’s important to accept ourselves for who we are, wear that favourite outfit and feel good / confident in it, believe in ourselves. You go, girl!
Sorry, you’ve been feeling this way, Mel. You are so right, you can only be your best and try and realise the fact that your best efforts are enough. We can be so hard on ourselves!
It definitely takes some practice and self-reflection to be true and authentic. I think these are great ways to start the process.
Yes, it definitely takes time to build up your confidence.
i always find taking some time out for yourself helps a lot. i went for a random walk yesterday and it cleared my mind as i was admiring the beauty around
I love this and I can totally relate. In the beginning of blogging, I guess I had a “persona”, but I realised that wasn’t me. I am often described by friends and family as “quirky” (that’s a nice way of putting it I guess haha) and I was hiding that on my blog. Now, I just write how I am in every day life. Not everyone likes it, but hey, it’s my blog 🙂
I love how your personality shines through on your blog. I definitely think it makes you more relatable rather than putting on a front and pretending to be what you think everyone wants you to be.
This was such a good idea – I loved it and I need to take on your advice x
Thank you!
Great article. Its never too late to learn to love yourself.
That’s so true, Nam!
What a really great post! I think it’s definitely important to embrace your authentic self 🙂 Showing all of yourself is a great thing for happiness 🙂
Thank you! I totally agree with you.
I love this post. Blogging is so popular these days that people are getting into it for the wrong reasons – I prefer bloggers who show their authenticity and just be themselves. It makes them more relatable. Love your tips too!
Absolutely! Being your true self definitely makes you more relatable.
See I dont think it is a bad thing to admit you are not good enough and that you need to adapt and change, I think it is a real eye opener and something you should be proud of realizing x
Not at all, but being your true self is really important for your health and well-being to instill confidence and self love for who you are and what you do.
Absolutely love this post. I have to agree with you and I have played small so many times in the past because I believed I was not worthy. The more and more I actually love myself and accept who I am, warts and all, the more confident I feel to be who I am. It is an ongoing process but it is a positive one 🙂
Great tips!
Thanks, Lauren! 🙂 Loving yourself is definitely a true path to being authentic and not holding back. Great to hear that you’ve made great progress in this area. Like you say it’s an ongoing process, but a truly positive one.
I definitely need to take more time for myself, I seem to always be busy at the moment. If only there were more hours in the day!
I wish there were more hours in the day too. Time just seems to disappear!
This was a great read Jemma, doing and I love and knowing that I am enough has helped especially in the last few months. This a lovely post reminding us to be honest with ourselves and being authentic
Thank you! It’s so important to be honest with yourself.
What a fabulous read. I must admit I suffer from a lack of confidence and it has held me back a lot. I really need to learn to love my imperfections too as I focus on them too much and make them out to be a lot worse than they are.
Really hope that you manage to find a way to accept yourself soon. It can be a difficult journey, but very worth it!
Great tips. I truly agree it’s all about accepting yourself and love your good and bad bits! 🙂
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Absolutely!!!
This is great advice. I am an open person and do share the real me on my blog and in real life. I definitely agree with just being yourself and letting go! Xx
Great stuff, Sabrina. Being honest in blogging is essential I think.
Social media can really be stressful I have been practicing to delete friends I really don’t know and filter my friends to those who can give negativity and positivity.
You can actually mute or unfollow friends on Twitter and Facebook without actually unfriending them.
I really enjoyed reading this! I agree It’s very important to learn how to let go and move on!
Totally! Great to hear that you enjoyed this post.
Thanks Diana, happy to hear that you enjoyed the post!
Some great tips! I believe that if you continue doing what you love then you’ll meet people who love the things that you do too!
That’s a lovely way of looking at things, Kira.
What a fab post. You’ve hit the nail on the head with a lot of your comments and observations. I am well over due a social cleanse, need to get on it 🙂 x
Thank you! A social cleanse can be so liberating.
Letting go is my Achilles heel.It’s something I am trying to master .Doing what I love is not always possible.So I try to live what I am doing.A wonderful post.Enjoyed reading