Over the past few months, I have been going through some personal issues that I have yet to discuss on the blog, which predominantly relates to my self-esteem and general feelings about my own self-worth. This is quite a personal post and somewhat lengthy so be warned! =)
As you are all probably aware last year I completed my thesis for my doctorate in Neurobiology. It wasn’t an easy task and I have never pretended to be intelligent, I just put the effort in and work hard. There were times during my studies that I felt like a complete fish out of water, surrounded by genius professors and not having a basic understanding about what they were talking about. But, I somehow managed to make it to the end.
There were many highs and lows throughout my PhD. In fact when I was initially filling out applications for various PhD positions the same feelings of inadequacy arose. It’s not that I didn’t have the qualifications to pursue a research career, it was more the fact of worrying about whether I was mentally equipped to deal with the stress and the amount of work a PhD requires.
I’m now employed, albeit in an admin job, that isn’t the job of my dreams or the reason I have spent 7 years in higher education. However, it’s still a job nonetheless and I know that there are millions in the UK that would love to be in my position. It’s not the fact that I hate my current job because that would be far from the truth, but I’m an ambitious individual on a quest to fill my ultimate career goal. But with many failed applications it has more than knocked my confidence.
I wouldn’t say that I have a severe issue of low self-esteem as it only strictly applies when thinking about my job prospects. Will I just become another statistic? A postgraduate that cannot find a job. Fortunately I have a fabulous support network around me and my family have worked wonders in boosting my confidence, especially my wonderful husband. It’s a tough world out there and very competitive. I realise that you cannot just walk into a job anymore and to be honest this is the first time that I have applied for jobs outside of the retail sector, so it’s a different kettle of fish altogether from what I am used to.
Looking forward the start of 2013 means a fresh new start and fresh opportunities. The new year has really got me buzzing at the moment and I am now full of positivity and excited to see what this new year will bring. I’ve started to re-write my entire CV and started to have a look at what’s about. Alfie and I have a 5 year plan that we are working on and thinking about new possibilities and the future has really helped. I think having something to work towards is great motivation and I definitely have a lot to be grateful and happy about. I’m more than certain that I will find something that gives me that job satisfaction that I am looking for. I guess knock backs and waiting are all part of the process.
Have you ever struggle with low self-esteem issues? In what area in your life were you lacking confidence in specifically?
How did you overcome this?
I’ve always had low self esteem, probably stemming from being bullied at school. I’ve spent 10 years working in jobs that I have either disliked or downright hated, and it’s only now at 28 with the help of my wonderful boyfriend that I’m trying to pursue things that I actually enjoy/love.
I bet it is difficult to work so hard for something and not be able to get the job you want but I hope that your search becomes fruitful. You seem so positive, bright and of course beautiful and I never would have known that you were suffering from low self esteem. All the best to you! x
It’s fabulous that you are now doing something that you love. How lovely of your boyfriend to help you pursue your dreams. My low self-esteem is only associated with my job situation. I feel like I’m in a much better place now and cannot wait to find my perfect job. x
I had no idea what I wanted to do following my PhD, but ended up changing fields and am pretty happy. However now I’m in the midst of applying for my second postdoc and I still suffer from feeling inadequate and issues of self esteem. I enjoy what I do, but sometimes find it hard not to interpret the setbacks and uncertainty as signs that I should be doing something else… thanks for the reminder that this is a normal part of a job search. Best of luck with finding your new career path, I’m sure it will work out! x
Thank you so much. Good luck in finding your second postdoc position! x
I know it all too well: after finishing my master of science, happy chappy that I am, was applying for different jobs within my field. This turned out to be a horrible experience that I was not prepared for. I was turned down for everything that I tried and took this very personal. Looking back I know that I shouldn’t have, the rejection wasn’t personal and only based on a little bit of text that was supposed to represent me. After my self-esteem hit a low point I (and because I also have a wonderful support system of family and now fiancée!) decided to take a huge plunge and start my own private practice. A little crazy perhaps but I decided I didn’t want other people to decide whether I was good enough or not but make my own success. Now almost 2 years later I quit my part-time job and manage to pay all the bills with my own company and it is ever growing! Couldn’t be happier! Sometimes you need to hit a low point to make you see things differently I guess.
I hope you will find a wonderful job that can give you the best thing a job can give you: waking up and being excited for another work day. And also, it is important to put everything in perspective, a job is not everything. From reading your blog for a while now, I am sure it will work out for you! Hitting some bumps in the road will make the finishing line much more special!! xxx
Thank you for such an inspiring and motivating comment. I’m so happy that you found your feet and are running your own successful business. You have proved that if you really want something and work hard you can achieve anything,
I’ve felt the same for months now – when I was in my previous job it paid the bills but certainly wasn’t the job of my dreams and left me feeling really deflated. I applied for a few jobs but with no luck – and it really knocked my confidence. Since being made redundant I have had a big kick up the bum, and am taking my applications much more seriously. I feel like my CV and cover letter are finally up to scratch (looking back over my old copies, I can see why I never got a callback!!) and I am getting down to the final 2/50 and 4/50 applicants for jobs. Just need to keep my fingers crossed that next time I will be 1/50!! Keep trying – and make sure you’re applying for as much as possible! I applied for around 30 jobs between October – December and only had 2 interviews. Currently I’m applying for around 12-15 jobs per week – I don’t know if there are that many jobs going in your field, but it pays to at least make connections. The last interview I had I didn’t get offered the position, but the MD is keeping my contact details on file for freelance work, which is a positive result and it’s great to keep making contacts! Good luck!
Getting your CV ship shape is a great start. I got mine sorted last week and it’s really boosted my confidence when applying for jobs. I wish you all the best for your job hunt sweetie! x
Oh girl, can I relate. I have to say, though, that you’re a lot braver than me because my lack of self-esteem kept me from pursuing my education further and I’m still kind of kicking myself for not going to grad school right after I finished my undergrad. At the time, I felt so overwhelmed by the whole application process and I basically shot myself down before I even tried it. I didn’t think that I’d be accepted, and if I was, I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it. I’m not good with stress in the least, so I figured all the pressure and work of grad school would just wreck me. Still, I’m going to give it a shot this year… I really wanted to go on to get a doctorate in counselling psychology because helping people is something I feel really passionate about, and I guess it’s that passion and desire that’s drowning out the fear I feel.
I’m so sorry that you never pursued your dreams. These things happen for a reason though and maybe it just wasn’t your time then. You are still young with the world at your feet, there is plenty of time for you to get your doctorate.
Oh my, this really strikes a chord with me becuase after having graduated last summer I have been struggling with similar worries and issues. Many times on the course I almost dropped out because I felt so inadequate especially compared to others who seemed to always come across as very much more on top of things than me. I had a nasty experience with one of the staff members at university which also really knowkced my confidence about finding work. I am about to start a job which is not really what I had in mind doing but like you, i know i am very lucky to have got a job at all (although it is very short temporary position and unlikely to be extended).
For what it’s worth I think you sound like a very determined person who has a lot of achievements to be proud of. For a start- this blog is definetely one- I don’t think I could write anything that would interest people in the way you are able to!
How horrible for you to have a bad experience with a member of staff at university when they are supposed to be there to help you. I really wish you all the best in finding your dream job, stay positive and don’t ever doubt your own abilities. Thank you for your kind words! x
I can completely understand where you are coming from, being in the world of academia is very competitive and high brow and I can imagine that doing a PhD is incredibly draining. I think you should be so so proud of yourself for achieving it, you are clearly a) more intelligent than you give yourself credit, b) incredibly dedicated and c) determined and motivated – all fantastic qualities! I’m sure 2013 will be a great year for you 🙂
Thanks Sophie. Academia is very draining and there are too many opportunities to
make you think that you are not worthy to be there, but I definitely have my hopes up and I think 2013 will be a great year. 🙂
I think that we learn most from the harder times- having interviews is the worst thing, but when you don’t get the job you can often get useful pointers that help with the next one. But it is never a nice position- I think for things like that just don’t take it personally. Plus make the most of where you are right now- you have years of work ahead of you – so don’t expect to get the dream job right away- but then when you finally get there it will be worth all that hard work and effort.
This whole process is definitely a learning curve and as you say not getting the job is not great but you can learn so much from where you didn’t do so great at the interview.
Hey congrats on completing your phd in neurobiology – I’m a doctor ( psychiatrist) too so know all too well how tough it is ( studying for postgrad exams too) I think self esteem issues and worth issues are commonplace in all young women ESP those that dare to step out into uncertain career paths, academia included. I have doubts all the time about my skills, but try to look to trusted seniors both personally& professionally to get some objective input – like today I got all frazzled about an error I made, then it took my boss to make me realise its just that : a tiny error.
Yes you can learn a lot from your elders. Congratulations on becoming a doctor that is awesome. I guess we all suffer issues of self doubt even when we are qualified for the job at hand.
I totally empathise with you. Don’t let it get you down, it just takes time! It is tough out there and getting a job is a nightmare. When I finished uni just after doing a degree I literally couldn’t get a job anywhere but a call centre. My career aspirations completely fizzled away. I’m finally I’m a job I enjoy but every single day I walk in and wonder if I’m good enough, know enough and worthy of my position. I don’t think these feelings ever really go away, so you just have to use them to work hard and aim high. Well done on your studies though – you definitely should be proud!
Love this- turning your negative thoughts into positive energy to help you get to your end goal is definitely what I am all about right now. Thank you for reminding me of this!
I just want to wish you luck in your job search, you’ve been so brave investing your time into your passion and I know it will pay off for you, and all of your hard work will pay off.
Thanks Kate! I know it will pay off soon and my chance will come!
I recently finished my B.A. and find myself especially lacking self esteem. I think my course work contributed to much of the self worth I associated with myself and with that gone, I found myself uncertain as to what I should be doing and whether or not I am capable. This has led to many binges over the holidays which probably wouldn’t have occured had my self esteem been stronger. I too, however, am super hopeful about 2013. I’m all about self-love this year. It’s great to see that you’re doing things to work towards feeeling better. I agree, motivation to accomplish a goal definitely makes me feel better about myself.
Loving your positive attitude for 2013!!! You seem to be on track and I hope things work out for you.
Best of luck with your job search, it sounds like you’re on the right track to finding the perfect job for you even if you haven’t found it yet.
I’m currently in my first “proper” job but still have moments when I feel like I’m not good enough – self esteem is definitely something that I need to continuously work at but your attitude sounds great and reading this has actually made me feel a lot more positive! x
Thank you Lily! I am glad that you got some positivity from this post. It’s so important to remain positive about these things.
I have to say I think it is so worrying with the current economic climate and the job situation, I really hope you find something soon and I’m sure that you will. I think those feelings of self doubt are shared by a lot of us when we are in a transitional phase in life. I have been very lucky to have certain people around me to give me confidence and push me to do things I’d never dreamed of doing. Its also very frustrating when you have been through so much education and invested so much in yourself. Good luck with it all, I’m sure that the perfect job for you will come up!
Thanks Laura. It is very frustrating but I think it’s just a sign of the times. There is so much competition out there these days, it’s so difficult to shine and stand out from the crowd.
I know many people are going through the same thing you are. Just keep your hopes up!
Thanks for the support! x
I can understand how you feel – it is different for me post-PhD (if I pass it!) because I’m looking to totally change career and study all sorts of fitness NVQs and the like, but from chatting to other people it seems that so much of getting a job in your preferred field is about luck, who you know, simply being in the right place at the right time, etc. It does seem very unfair indeed…I share your worries about being a fish out of water in an academic environment…I still feel like a fraud and nowhere near intelligent enough to be there.
I’m not sure I’ll ever overcome that feeling unless I pass the VIVA!
xxx
I am dreading the viva and my date is imminent. I think the only way to tackle it just do it I’m afraid. It is a shame that initially it’s networking and knowing the right people gets you where you want to be rather than it being based on your talents. Good luck in you new venture! x
I think this is something a lot of people go through. you are not alone. I worked part time in Asda for 7 months before I got my current full time job. However this one isn’t really anything to do with my degree, and I will of been her two years in March. I sometimes consider applying for new jobs, but I am struck with feelings on inadequacy and anxiety, and it definitely down to a self esteem issue. I just try and concentrate on the positives, like you said I am lucky to have a job at all, many of my friends from uni are working in bars, or went back to waht they were doing pre uni.
It is very sad when graduates struggle to get their dream jobs, but as we both agree we are lucky to have jobs at all in this day and age. Sorry you are also experiencing issues of self-esteem. You will find your dream job soon I’am sure, you just have to take that leap. You currently have a job so it theory you have nothing to loose right?
If you weren’t really intelligent, you wouldn’t have been accepted on a PhD, let alone complete it… it’s easy for me to say but have faith in yourself lovely and every time you walk into an interview, have the attitude that you’re interviewing them to see if the job suits you, not the other way round, believe in yourself!
I know where you’re coming from on self-esteem issues but I’m really trying to stop every negative thought in its tracks and replace it with a positive one, hopefully it’ll work 🙂 xx
I think that is definitely a great approach. I really believe in positive energy and trying to push out any thoughts of negativity can really help in these situations. 🙂