The Case for Having Something That’s Just for You

Not on purpose. It happens a little at a time. The hobby that gets paused, the friends you see less of, the thing you used to do on a Saturday that somehow got handed over to everyone else’s needs. You don’t notice it going. You just look up one day and realise you can’t remember the last time you did something purely because you wanted to.

If that sounds familiar, this is for you. Because having something that’s just yours isn’t a luxury or an indulgence. It’s one of the ways you stay connected to the person you are underneath being a mum.

Why a sport, of all things

It might sound like the last thing you have energy for. But there’s a reason so many mums are finding their way back to themselves through something active, and one sport in particular keeps coming up.

Padel is a racquet sport, played in pairs on a small court with glass walls. You don’t need to be sporty, and you don’t need any experience. The walls keep the ball in play, so even on your very first go you’ll have proper rallies rather than spending the whole time picking the ball up. It’s the rare sport you can be a complete beginner at and still enjoy from the first ten minutes.

It’s also grown at a remarkable pace, and not just among the usual sporty crowd. “So many of the new players coming through are complete beginners, and a huge number of them are mums looking for something that’s just for them,” says Padel Cover, a specialist that designs and installs padel court covers for clubs across the country. “Clubs can’t add courts fast enough, and what keeps people coming back isn’t the exercise, it’s the people they meet doing it.”

That social side is the part that matters here. Padel is almost always played as doubles, so you’re never doing it alone. You turn up, you play, you talk, you laugh. For a lot of women that turns out to be as valuable as the game itself, and there are now sessions designed specifically for mums, some even with childcare on hand so the little ones are looked after while you play.

It’s worth knowing that, because the most common reason mums give for not starting something is the guilt of leaving the children. When the thing is built with that in mind, one of the biggest barriers falls away before you’ve even begun.

Why this matters more than it sounds

There’s a belief a lot of mums carry around without ever quite saying it out loud. That wanting something for yourself is selfish. That your time is better spent on the children, the house, the endless list.

But you can love your children with your whole heart and still need something that’s only about you. Both of those things are allowed to be true at the same time.

When everything you do is for someone else, you slowly stop checking in with what you enjoy. Something that’s just yours is a way back to that. It doesn’t have to be big or impressive. It just has to be the thing you do because it makes you feel like you, not because anyone needs you to do it. And an activity that gets you out of the house and around other people tends to do that job better than another five minutes hiding in the kitchen.

It doesn’t have to be padel

The point isn’t really the sport. Padel is simply one good example of a thing that ticks the boxes: easy to start, sociable, gets you out, and gives you a couple of hours that belong to no one but you.

It might be something completely different for you. A choir, a pottery class, open water swimming, a book group that talks about the book. What matters is that it’s yours, that it gets you among other people, and that you do it for no better reason than that you want to.

Whatever it is, the hardest part is usually just giving yourself permission to begin.

Giving yourself permission

You don’t need to wait until the children are older. You don’t need to wait until things calm down, because things rarely do.

You’re allowed to be a brilliant mum and a whole person at the same time. You’re allowed to have something in your week that’s just for you, that has nothing to do with anyone else, that reminds you there’s more to you than the person who holds everything together.

Start small, start imperfectly, but start. The version of you that’s been waiting in the background will be glad you did.