Hard truths about self care for mums
Self-care is such a BIG topic for mums to navigate with so many questions attached to it…
- How do I fit it into my day?
- What should I do for my self-care?
- Is it selfish to prioritise myself?
- How much time should I take for self-care?
…and the list goes on.
It can often feel like you’re trying to shoehorn it into the day or like another thing to do on the to-do list. It can feel hard sometimes trying to fit it in or discover what even makes you thrive.
To make it feel even more confusing or unattainable, the commercialism around self-care often makes us think of lavish spa days and solo holiday trips abroad without the kids.
With so much to demystify around self-care, specifically for mums, I wanted to share 3 truths on the topic that all mums need to hear:
Self-care isn’t a fix-all solution
My thoughts around self-care, the label itself, and what it means are starting to shift. Looking after ourselves and reminding mums to create space for their needs is vital in a system that values productivity and hustle culture.
But, simply telling mums to “go take a bubble bath”, glosses over the major societal issues that prevent mums from being able to create space for themselves.
Currently, mums are on the verge of burnout, the mental load is immense, and they’re living in a state of chronic survival mode, and spinning too many plates. Self-care can often feel like another thing to add to the to-do list or mums are failing at.
Self-care doesn’t get to the root of the problem that persists and suggests in some ways that it’s the woman that needs fixing. It masks the important fact that actually, it’s society, support in the community, and in the home that needs fixing.
It’s a complex issue.
I’m a massive advocate for mums taking care of themselves because they deserve it, however, this issue runs deep. Perhaps it’s time to stop blaming mums as to why they’re not looking after themselves and start to look elsewhere like the community, childcare costs, longer paternity leave, and access to maternal mental health support.
I’m not sure what the answer is, except things need to change.
You don’t deserve to look after yourself because you’re a mum, it’s because of this!
Sometimes I think this selflessness means that we attach our worth to being better mums to our children, which can detract from the need for us to be worthy for ourselves. It then perpetuates the need for external validation. When what we need to be doing is recognising our value and worth so that we can consistently pour our energy and time back into ourselves.
I strongly believe that when we look after ourselves we’re better equipped to be there for our children, without a doubt.
However, creating space for yourself doesn’t have to solely be about your children, that can be a magical by-product.
You can look after yourself simply because you NEED to for YOU, and that’s OK.
It doesn’t have to be Instagram pretty
We can be easily swayed and pulled in by what self-care should look like by all the pretty photos on Instagram. However, those little squares tend to be a highlight reel and not a reality.
Your version of self-care doesn’t have to be a scene of perfection. I can be whatever you need it to be in that time. Quite often when I get the chance to meditate one of my children will magically appear on cue or my 5 year old daughter is wrapped around me like a koala bear in bed and I’ve got my headphones in.
When you let go of what you think self-care “should “look like and lean into the truth of what it looks like for YOU, you release so much pressure and expectation. Plus, it means that you’re more likely to do it!
Related podcast episode: [EPISODE 7] How to create space for YOU as a mum
Self-care is a complex issue and there is never a right or wrong way to replenish your energy reserves, it just has to feel good to you. For mums, it can be hard to find the time to look after themselves. Also, the societal expectations that are put on mothers exacerbates the struggle to create the space needed for self care and is often laden with guilt. In whatever way you choose to fill your cup back up, wherever you have 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or 30 minutes, one thing is for certain, you deserve it.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you think it’s becoming more difficult for mums to take care of themselves?
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