{Episode 85} How to reconnect with your joy in motherhood (even when you’re in survival mode) with Cat Googe
Motherhood is beautiful, but let’s be honest, it can also feel like a constant cycle of doing, giving, organising, juggling, and surviving. If you’re in a season where joy feels far away, you’re not alone. So many mums reach a point where they think, “I love my kids, but I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
Inspired by my latest podcast episode with a Joy Coach, Cat Googe, we explore how to reclaim your joy, your spark, and your sense of self, even when life feels full-on.
Listen to the Reclaiming MUM podcast on AppleiTunes or on Spotify.
Why joy slips away when you’re in survival mode
Survival mode happens when your nervous system feels constantly under pressure. You might be juggling too many responsibilities, dealing with broken sleep, managing emotional and physical demands, or carrying the invisible work of the household. In this state, your brain focuses on getting through the next task. Joy becomes something you tell yourself you will get back to “when things settle down.”
However, joy does not require a perfect season of life. It can exist alongside challenge, exhaustion, and chaos. The goal is not to force yourself to feel joyful but to slowly rebuild your connection to the moments that help you feel like yourself again.
Understanding the difference between joy and happiness
Happiness is usually triggered by circumstances: a treat, a success, a moment that feels good. Joy, however, runs deeper. Joy is the sense of grounding, calm, connection, or lightness that can exist even when life feels overwhelming. This distinction is important because it means joy does not require everything in your world to change. You can access joy gently, quietly, and in small ways that support your wellbeing.
Small, doable ways to feel more joy in your day
Many mums feel pressure to completely overhaul their routines to feel like themselves again. But reconnecting with joy does not need to add more to your plate. In fact, the simplest changes can have the biggest impact.
1. Notice one small moment that feels lighter
This could be the warmth of a hot drink, a quiet minute before the kids wake up, a moment of fresh air, or your child’s laugh. The simple act of noticing helps your brain reconnect with the idea that joy still exists in your day.
2. Create two minutes of calm for yourself
You do not need a long morning routine or a full hour to yourself. Two minutes of breathing, stretching, or resting your eyes can regulate your nervous system and make joy feel more accessible.
3. Do one tiny thing that feels like “you”
This might be wearing your favourite jumper, lighting a candle, listening to a song you love, or stepping outside for a short walk. These small moments are powerful reminders of your identity beyond motherhood.
4. Ask yourself what would bring you one drop of joy today
Instead of aiming for a big transformation, look for something that offers a small spark. This might be reading for five minutes, choosing a nicer lunch, or saying no to something that drains you.
Mindset shifts that make joy more accessible
Sometimes the biggest barrier to reconnecting with joy is not a lack of time, but the beliefs you hold about what you deserve.
1. Release the guilt around doing things for yourself
Caring for your joy is not selfish. It is an essential part of feeling grounded and emotionally available for the people you love.
2. Stop waiting for the perfect moment
Life rarely “calms down” in the way we imagine. Small moments of joy are possible right now, even within a busy or challenging season.
3. Allow yourself to be human
You do not have to feel joyful all the time. Joy grows in honest, gentle moments, not through perfection or pressure.
How to find joy in ordinary moments
Many mums expect joy to come from big, planned activities, but joy often appears in the quieter, more ordinary parts of your day. You may feel it during the school run, bedtime cuddles, shared laughter, or while preparing dinner.
When you begin noticing these ordinary moments, you train your brain to recognise small wins, small pleasures, and small pockets of peace that have always been there.
You can reconnect with joy, even if life feels hard right now
If you feel like you are in survival mode, it does not mean you have lost your joy forever. It simply means your body and mind are tired, and joy needs to return to you gently.
You do not need a perfect season, only a willingness to notice the glimmers of yourself that are still there.
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