{Episode 96} Turning 40: thoughts on ageing, expectations, and life not being figured out yet

Turning 40 has a way of making you pause and reflect on where life has taken you.

Milestone birthdays often invite us to look back at the path we have travelled while also wondering about the road ahead. This month I’m turning 40, and if I am honest, it feels a little surreal. When I was younger, 40 felt like an age that existed somewhere far in the future. It was a time when I imagined everything in life would feel settled and clear.

Like many people, I assumed that by 40 I would have life completely mapped out. I thought my career would be firmly established, that I would feel confident in every area of my life, and that I would have a strong sense of certainty about who I was and where I was going.

The reality, however, looks a little different, and the truth is that is not necessarily a bad thing.

What I Thought Life Would Look Like at 40

When we are younger, it is easy to imagine that there is a certain age where everything will finally fall into place. We picture a future version of ourselves who is calm, organised, and completely certain about the direction of life.

However, life, and especially motherhood, has a way of reshaping those expectations.

As a mum of four, my life is beautifully full. My days are often filled with school runs, conversations with my children, messy kitchens, and moments of chaos mixed with moments of deep connection. There are days when everything flows and I feel incredibly grateful for the life we have created. There are also days that feel overwhelming and exhausting.

Somewhere in the middle of all of that is me.

There is the woman I was before motherhood, the woman I became when my children arrived, and the woman I am still becoming now.

The Myth That Everyone Else Has Life Figured Out

One of the biggest realisations that comes with getting older is understanding that very few people actually have life fully figured out.

It can often appear that others are more certain, more organised, or more successful, particularly when we look at carefully curated moments on social media. However, when you have honest conversations with other women and mothers, a different picture begins to emerge.

Many of us are asking similar questions. We quietly wonder whether we are doing enough, whether we are on the right path, and whether it is too late to make changes.

These thoughts are far more common than we often realise.

Feeling uncertain about parts of your life does not mean you are failing. In many cases, it simply means you are growing and evolving.

What Ageing Has Taught Me So Far

One of the greatest lessons I am learning as I approach 40 is that ageing is not about reaching a point where everything suddenly makes sense.  Instead, it is about gaining perspective.

I feel less pressure now to prove things or meet certain expectations. I feel more open to the idea that life can unfold in ways that I never originally planned. There is something freeing about recognising that you are allowed to grow and change throughout your life.

You are allowed to follow new interests, explore different paths, and rediscover parts of yourself that may have been quiet for a while.

Motherhood does not erase who you are. In many ways, it reveals deeper parts of your identity and invites you to evolve in ways you may never have expected.

The Identity Shift That Many Mothers Experience

Many mothers experience a quiet shift in identity that can be difficult to talk about openly. It is possible to deeply love your children while also feeling unsure about who you are outside of your role as a mum. The responsibilities of caring for others can be so consuming that your own needs and dreams slowly move further down the list.

Over time, this can leave many women wondering where the parts of themselves they once recognised have gone.  Turning 40 has reminded me that reconnecting with yourself is not selfish. It is an important part of feeling fulfilled and balanced.

When you feel connected to your own identity, passions, and needs, you are able to show up more fully in every part of your life, including motherhood.

Check out this blog post: Reconnecting with your identity in motherhood

Why Not Having Life Fully Figured Out Is Actually Liberating

There is often an invisible pressure that comes with milestone birthdays. Society subtly suggests that by a certain age we should have reached specific markers or achieved certain goals.

However, life rarely unfolds according to a perfectly planned timeline.

Not having everything figured out means that there is still space for possibility. It means there is room for new ideas, new experiences, and new dreams that may not have existed when you were younger.

Life does not have to follow a rigid checklist. It can be an unfolding journey where growth continues throughout every decade.

A Gentle Reflection for This Season of Life

If you find yourself reflecting on your own life while reading this, you might like to gently ask yourself a few questions.

You might consider which parts of yourself you would like to reconnect with in this season of motherhood. You might reflect on where you feel most energised and alive in your life right now. You might also think about what feeling more fulfilled in this stage of life could look like for you.

These questions do not need immediate answers. Sometimes simply allowing yourself the space to ask them can be the beginning of meaningful change.

A Gentle Invitation

If you are a mother who feels as though you have lost a little part of yourself along the way, please know that you are not alone. Many women quietly carry these feelings while continuing to show up for their families every single day.

If you would like some support during this season of motherhood, you are warmly invited to book a free 30-minute Breakthrough Call with me.

This is a relaxed and supportive conversation where we can explore what you are currently navigating and consider what kind of support might help you move forward in a way that feels gentle and sustainable.

You do not have to figure everything out on your own.

Listen to the Episode

This episode is for mums who are on the verge of turning 40 and feeling reflective about where they are and what they thought they would have achieved bu now. 

Listen to the Reclaiming MUM podcast on AppleiTunes or on  Spotify.

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I share a mix of real-life mum moments, simple self-care tips, and little nuggets of coaching wisdom on my Instagram every day. Think behind-the-scenes of life with four spirited kids, practical ways to feel calmer, and gentle reminders to prioritise you without guilt. If you’d like a daily dose of inspiration, laughter, and encouragement for navigating this messy, beautiful mum life, come and join me over on Instagram.  I’d love to connect with you there!