How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Do you find yourself saying “yes” to every request that comes your way?

One of my most popular posts over on Instagram is one offering different suggestions on how to say no. It has been saved nearly 100 times – you can check out the post here.

What this says to me is that you’re struggling to say one of the simplest and shortest words in the dictionary, N-O.

When you dig deeper, this is certainly manifesting itself as you not creating space for yourself, not honouring your needs and prioritising everything else above your own care.

Basically, it’s people-pleasing gone into overdrive.

What is a people pleaser?

A people pleaser is someone that is seeking external validation, appreciation, and wants to keep everyone happy. They find “no” a struggle to say because they never want to let anyone down, even if it’s a detriment to their own physical and mental wellbeing. In a lot of instances, they want to feel needed and do more than is needed to be helpful. Everyone comes before them on the priority list.

If you’re in the people-pleasing camp, then maybe you’re feeling pretty exhausted right now and need some time out. I know it can be a hard behaviour to work through, but putting these boundaries in place as a form of self-preservation is going to be so rewarding.

Here are some tools and mindset shifts you can use to stop you from being a people pleaser.

Take baby steps when it comes to saying no

I still find it crazy that the simplest of words is so difficult for all of us to say. It’s something that takes time to feel comfortable with, however, starting small is a positive step in the right direction.

Find some middle ground where you can decline things, but still feel comfortable doing so. For example, if you’ve been invited out for a coffee catch up, but not really feeling it, say that you can’t make it this time but would love to rearrange. It’s still saying no, but in a gentle way by offering to meet up another time.

Check out Small Changes to a Healthier You

Think about what you’d be saying yes to

Saying no to someone means that you’re saying yes to yourself. This is such a massive mindset flip that when I tell my coaching clients, it’s a complete light bulb moment.

What can you do for yourself with all this amazing free time that’s opened up?
How incredible are you going to feel now that you’re not overwhelmed?
How much better are you going to be able to serve your loved ones and your career because you took the opportunity to rest?

Reframing your mindset on this topic is going to help to say “no” much easier.

Check out Mindset Shifts to Make Self Care a Priority

Lean into what brings you joy

By dialling up on the actions and rituals that bring you joy you are reminding yourself that actually you don’t need others to make you feel amazing. You never need validation from other people because you can be happy in your own right.

Check out Intentional Living Practices For a Joyful Life

Give yourself a chance to pause before responding

A classic people-pleaser will answer a request without a second thought. Slow things right down and capture your thoughts for a moment before responding. Rather than your default answer being “yes” change it to something like “let me just check my planner.” It will give you time to decide whether you actually want to do the thing or not, rather than jumping right in.

Check out How to Be More Present Every Day

Get clear on your goals

Sit down and create some space to re-evaluate your goals and think about the actions you can take to help you achieve them. When you’re clear on your goals you will find it easier to say “no” to someone because you have clarity on where best to focus your time and energy to make them happen.

Check out How to Set Intentional Goals & Achieve Them

Are you a people pleaser? How do you find the words to say no?

If you’re struggling with making time for yourself, nourishing yourself authentically, can’t move through any blocks that are stopping you achieve your wellbeing goals book in a FREE discovery call for my relaxed 1:1 coaching sessions.